I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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