i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There are leaves in my underwear?
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