Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
