The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
