i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
