her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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