Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he told me I talked like a deaf person
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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