I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
