after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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