He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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