I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
