he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
