I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
