you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
