Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
