girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
