my soul wont recognize me after tonight
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
