Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize