I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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