You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Michael Bay diarrhea
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
