so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
