his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
