I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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