Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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