so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
