Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
