Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
