oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
