Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
