Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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