My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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