Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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