She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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