I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
