have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
