I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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