I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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