I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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