He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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