do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
