Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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