so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
pop tarts are not kleenex
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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