what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
