everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
