My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
