We're facebook friends in real life
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
