remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
