he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
