Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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