Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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