so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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