Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
