Got a toothbrush?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
