saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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