thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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