I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
