Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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