Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
