bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
