just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
