he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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