Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
