pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
