i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
