We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
