I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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