I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
