It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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