Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just had sex bonerless
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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