he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
