i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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