our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
