My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
