a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
