You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
