I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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