Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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