I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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