Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
