you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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